Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize