There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
