It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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