i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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