I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
