see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
