I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My feet surprised me
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