Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
