I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you had me at cake vodka
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
