I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She told me I should be a condom model.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize