Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
