Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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