i think my tv is drunk
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
