His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
