Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
