ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
