my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Congratulations! We have a period
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