I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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