he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
