imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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