so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
