when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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