she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
