i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
