i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
