i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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