Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
