Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
