the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize