Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
