next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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