i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
