Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
