one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
