Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
