Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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