Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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