Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
