i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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