All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
