I have demons in me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
