Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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