I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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