I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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