he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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