Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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