The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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