Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
id be glad to
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
