Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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