Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
vagina is talking i cant
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
