I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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