So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
