Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Everclear isn't food dammit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
