So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
