The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
