i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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