So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
