He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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