Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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