Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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