My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
